BIRTH PLAN GONE BREECH

If you follow me on Instagram, you may have seen that this pregnancy has taken quite the unexpected turn. Thankfully, baby boy and I are both as healthy as can be, but it’s taken a turn in another way. A way that for whatever reason I never really considered happening.

Today, I’m 37 weeks + 2 days pregnant and our sweet baby boy is Frank breech. Head up high, booty down low, folded in half just like a taco. Hip circles, inversions, even one very painful External Cephalic Version preformed by my doctor in the hospital, and still…. breech. Despite our efforts to encourage this little guy to turn, he’s apparently very happy (or stubborn) remaining in the cozy position he’s in.

With all of this said, my birth plan options are officially slim to none. I’m facing a fate I was really hoping wouldn’t become my reality. Yet here we are, staring down the barrel of a scheduled C-section.

A C-section. Something that never even crossed my mind before.

A lot of you may be thinking, “what’s your hang up with having a c-section? Big deal.” And you’re right! It’s not that big of a deal, I guess.

As long as baby gets here safe, that’s all that really matters. I know that. But this isn’t what I wanted. This isn’t the birth plan I’ve been hoping for, or the way that I envisioned meeting my baby.

Honestly guys, I’m struggling to accept that this is going to be my birth experience. It’s not that I’m worried about having a scar, or that I’m afraid of having the surgery. Those things don’t matter to me. It’s the fact that I’ve been looking forward to this baby’s birth my whole pregnancy. Dreaming of that exciting dramatic moment when I go into labor (on my own). How it’ll happen, where it’ll happen, if it’ll happen the same way it did with Gannon. Sure, labor and delivery is freakin’ painful, but it’s also spontaneous, exhilarating, empowering, and pure magic! I wanted to let my body do it’s thing, on it’s own time. I wanted to push him out all on my own.

If you’ve read Gannon’s Birth Story, you know that I was in labor for 15 hours, and pushed for over 3 of those hours! In the final moments before his birth, things took a left turn. My doctor had to use the vacuum to assist me in getting him out. Three pushes later, we had ourselves one beautiful and perfectly healthy baby boy…….. but also a mama that felt so disappointed in herself for needing help getting him out.

Heartbroken, I felt a little bit like a failure at this birthing thing.

From the very start of this pregnancy I’ve been so excited to have the opportunity to live that perfect blissful moment of meeting another precious baby we’ve been blessed with, but I’ve also felt determined. Determined to get this baby out all on my own this time! Unfortunately, I’m feeling a little a lot crushed that yet again there’s been a wrench thrown in my plan.

And it’s not just that! There’s other things too!

Watching the birth
Recording the birth
Photographing the birth
Having my mom there
Will I even get to be the first to hold my baby?
Will I have the opportunity to do skin to skin?
Will my husband still get to cut the cord?
If so…. so much for getting a photo of him cutting the cord.

It just feels like we barely get to be involved in the birth of this baby at all. Instead of having that thrilling experience of going into labor on my own and my body doing what it was made to do, I’ll just be showing up at the set date and time like… “hey guys! Go ahead and cut him out of me!” Ugh. That sounds special, *eye roll*.

And will this ruin my chances of a vaginal delivery with a third baby?

I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with having a C-section – there isn’t! Heck! I’ve heard from a few women that they’ve had great experiences with them. And I pray to God that I feel the same way afterward. It’s just that right now, I feel like I’m getting robbed. Robbed of the excitement of being on baby watch, robbed of the intensity of laboring, robbed of pushing our baby boy out on my own, robbed of documenting the magic of our baby entering the world, robbed of those precious intimate first moments with him, robbed of everything I’ve just spent 9 months looking forward to.

I’m just grieving the loss of the birth plan I dreamt of all this time. And that’s okay. I’m allowed to.

I’m just praying I’ll get to jump back on here and tell you guys all about how wrong I had it. How this birth experience wasn’t “less good” at all, but simply different! Different and equally as magical <3

If you’ve had a beautiful birth experience via C-section, I’d love so much to hear about it! Feel free to share in the comments below!

June 4, 2019 @ 12:00pm……. WE’RE HAVING OURSELVES A BABY!

Regardless of how you enter this world. I’m ecstatic to finally meet you my sweet little rainbow boy!
All my love, your mama <3

Thank you so much for listening to me whine 😉 Haha!

Until next time!
XO,